I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
