My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
