we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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