Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
