We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I AM VODKA MAN
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
