Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize