He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
