I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When are your genitals available?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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