Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
