i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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