i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
