I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Green mimosas i think yes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
