Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
