I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
