My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
