At least make sure they are 18
Why
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
