he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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