Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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