sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize