I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
