im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
