During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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