You can't motorboat a personality
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
