i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
