2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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