So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
