Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Alive.
So much puke
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
