I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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