super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
