I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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