please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
