Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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