I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
