Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
