fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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