this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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