finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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