he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
