What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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