You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
