wrigley field is MILF paradise
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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