i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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