you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
