I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
