i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
