but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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