you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
