Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
