So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
