Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
