It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
