I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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