You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
