I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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