The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
