I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
