we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize