apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
