im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
