Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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